A Light in the Snark: Vogue Spring 2015 Collection

Co-authored with Andrea

Hamcats, it is with sorrowful hearts and lowered heads that we acknowledge the passing of one of the SBC’s most celebrated institutions: Lladybird’s new Vogue release snark posts. Please join us for a moment of silence as we mourn its untimely sellout demise.

Fortunately, SSSF is equipped to take on the future care and feeding of such an important project–and other pattern company releases. But let’s begin by tackling a truly challenging project: the Vogue Spring 2015 pattern release, which Lladybird deems unsnarkable.

Overall, SSSF highly recommends this pattern release to sewers with a pressing need to be perceived as aesexual in public spaces.

Tom and Linda Platt gifted us with V1435, a lovely basic sheath dress pattern and accompanying modesty jacket.

Vogue 1435

Ralph Rucci continues his winning streak of interesting basic garments and jackets with unusual sleeves with V1437.

Vogue 1437: Another solid choice for sewers who would prefer that no one know whether or not they have breasts.

Vogue 1437: What’s with the knotted ties on the skirt? Are they horse reins or something?

Continuing the trend, we have Marcy Tilton’s latest shirt, V9089: Not only will this disguise all breasts and potentially double as maternity wear, but it can be used to smuggle small appliances from hardware stores in the tent on the back.

Vogue 9089

V1441 is Koos van den Akker’s contribution to breast-concealment, combined with such a wide variety of clashing prints that onlookers may need their sunglasses. Hello, #artteacherchic! We may have just gone color blind.

Vogue 1441

This coat has a wide variety of interesting seamlines that seem not to contribute to the ability of the garment to flatter the figure at all, but will certainly provide obstacles to the experienced seamstress looking for a pointless challenge.

You may be wondering if Vogue has released any patterns for the woman who is not planning travel to Sharia countries in the near future. Hamcats, you are in luck!

Here is a lovely sheath dress by Kay Unger, including flattering seamlines on the bodice, and no modesty cover-up. Instead there’s a peekaboo keyhole. You know, for the “wardrobe failure” that you don’t actually want to be a legit wardrobe failure.

Vogue 1432

In addition, they’ve added two more fit-and-flare dresses to their existing line-up:

1 – Isaac Mizrahi and the 1434 party dress, which we swear we’ve seen on the rack at the oh-so-exclusive boutique Targé.

Vogue 1434

2 – This psychedelic version: the fabric looks even more awesome after a glass of wine. Or three.

Vogue 1433

And a few more basic sheath dresses: *yawn emoji*

Vogue 9077

ADULT PJS TO WEAR IN PUBLIC. For realz.

Vogue 9094

Such a tragic end to that lovely slubby fabric.

Vogue 9094

Because making your model wear white gloves automatically means “vintage”.

Vogue 9083

Vogue 9082

Menswear! Perfect for prom and wedding season for those of you with men/boys/man-children in your lives:

Vogue 9097

We don’t understand. Are we going for frumpy, modest, Little House on the Prairie, or all of the above with V9076?

Vogue 9076

V9078 looks like “The Little Peplum that Wanted to Be but Failed.”

Vogue 9078

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10 thoughts on “A Light in the Snark: Vogue Spring 2015 Collection

  1. I like V9077. The shape, the different skirt and sleeve lengths, the front band thingy. It might not be for everyone but it’s hardly a basic sheath dress.
    V9076 looks a bit like something they would make you wear in a religious fundamentalist cult.

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  2. Since Koos van den Akker has just died, future art-teacher-wanna-bes will have to look to past Vogue offerings. Etsy and Ebay have quite a selection of coats with unnecessary seamlines.

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  3. I’ve got tons of uncoordinated home decor remnants that are perfect for the Koos coat. And I’m strangely drawn to 9076. Maybe it’s because it’s so different from the sleeveless sheaths that have littered the patternscape for the last several years.

    Like

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