Me-Made-May 2015: The Drinking Game

April showers bring May flowers and the month-long droolfest that is Me-Made-May. To help you pass the time, we here at SSSF with support from our fellow GOMI Craft hamcats bring you the Me-Made-May Drinking Game.

A drinking game you say? We know exactly how you’re feeling right now: 


 


But please simmer down now. As your Master of Ceremonies, I’d like to get through the laundry list of rules we’ve made.

JK, there are no rules! (Fooled you.)

You have until Thursday, April 30 to stock your liquor cabinet (and/or sewing cabinet) with your choice of drinks. Fancy glassware is not needed. Extra points if you’re serving drinks in your favorite coffee wine mug.

Below is our downloadable drinking guide containing the rules of the game. It is your bible; treat it as such. Keep it on your phone, your computer, and/or print it out if you’re fancy and can afford paper and ink.

In honor of me, please switch your drink of choice to margaritas on Tuesday, May 5th for the Drinko de Mayo festivities. Because it’s an honor, this is mandatory. 

kthxbai

Disclaimer: Please drink responsibly. I (and the editors of SSSF) will not be held liable for anything that happens to you while playing the game. Remember to hydrate and eat something substantial…like cheetos…or ham…or potato chips…or all of the above. 

Advertisements

Insert Witty Title Here: Vogue Summer 2015 Release

Co-authored with Andrea and LadyxBec

Ahh, summer: hot days, cool fabrics, bright colors.

Well, Vogue got…some of that right with the Summer 2015 pattern release.

Overall, we here at SSSF have the following to say about this collection:

  1. We are confused. (This seems to be a natural state of affairs with Vogue releases, though.)
  2. We enjoy the ethnic diversity of the models featured.
  3. A greater variety of Designer patterns.
  4. This collection shows great promise for the scrapbusting enthusiast.
  5. What is with styling these outfits with Converse wedge heels?!

Let’s start with the accessories: is this a purse, or a bellows?

V9120

For the “Mommy and Me” sewists, we have V9114, the skirt that defies gravity, and the child-sized, full dress version by Mizono, V1455.

V9114

V1455

Maybe once you get past the poor fabric choice (which could be never) of V1452, it’s not such a bad pattern?

V1452 – Believe it or not, this is actually separates.

V1452 – Without the awful fabric distraction

For the ardent scrapbusters, consider these patterns at your own peril:

V9108 by Marcy Tilton – 3 different fabrics to scrapbust with!

V9107 also has the added benefit of doubling as maternity wear, should you desire:

V9107 – More scrapbusting!

V9110, another scrapbusting entry:

V9110

V1444 is quite the bang-for-buck pattern! Sew it up if you want to:

1 – Look like you’re wearing separates when you’re not

2 – Scrapbust Color-block

3 – Look like you have a flat chest

V1444

The V1450 skirt: scrapbusting meets peplum.

V1450

And the final entry in the Vogue Scrapbusting Summer 2015 Collection:

V1451 – The line drawings show the back bodice as the same fabric as the straps…which they clearly aren’t in the sample.

“five easy pieces”? More like “Vogue for N00bz.” Perfect for lovers of elastic-waist pants and skirts!

V9117, part of the “five easy pieces” sub-line

Aaaaand another romper, V9116, but ladies of the Gifted Sisters Tribe, consider the amount of support you need against the (nonexistent) support provided by a halter neck or an elastic tube top. Maybe that’s why the model is crossing her arms?

V9116

This is a “jacket”? This “jacket” is perfect for beginners, as it is composed of three rectangles sewn together, with a tie in front.

This looks like the robe from the V8888 lingerie set. Vogue, I’ve got a gif for you:

V9115 “Jacket”

It’s cheating when the model’s hand provides all the shaping in a designer shapeless yellow sack dress. Not to be confused with a banana–though to be fair a banana at this stage of ripeness would already have some spots on it.

V1445

If you don’t want to channel Marilyn Monroe, make good use of the lengthen/shorten lines on V1449 by Rebecca Taylor, and if you’re into the interesting bust dart positioning trend, it might be up your alley, too:

V1449

V1449 – line drawings

The obligatory Lagenlook entry, V9112 by Marcy Tilton. You can’t see them with this fabric, but there are multiple panels and mini-ruffles sewn into the hem. Why? … Because. #artteacherchic #idon’tevenknowwhattocallthis

V9112

For the vintage enthusiasts we have V9105 for when you want to look classy, but still have easy access for those wandering hands.

V9105

There’s more easy access buttons in V9106, plus what can only be described as an explosion of gathering, which Vogue has cleverly disguised with an actually very pretty floral fabric:

V9106

Nice try, but we can see the ruffles of doom:

V9106

Presenting the SSSF Tailored Shirt Fail Bingo

Welcome to Fail Bingo with SSSF!

(Because we don’t host project sewalongs at SSSF; we host sewing project fail-a-longs.)

In honor of the Sewaholic Granville and Oakridge releases currently taking the SBC by storm, our inaugural Fail Bingo will be the Tailored Shirt Fail-A-Long. Not interested in buying the Sewaholic patterns and/or need to exercise restraint? We’ve got you covered with Big 4 and Burda pattern alternatives.

From now until April 30, join your fellow hamcats in the joyful process of saving money by sewing yourself a tailored shirt. With every stumbling block encountered and swear uttered, mark off a square on your very own Tailored Shirt Fail Bingo card!* The first person to get Bingo, let us know about it, and provide photographic evidence of your 5-in-a-row gets…bragging rights that they are the Failingest Failure to Ever Fail.

  1. Rip out same seam > 3x
  2. Need to recut a piece
  3. Cutting out 2 rights or 2 lefts, like sleeves
  4. Forgetting to cut a piece entirely
  5. Sew a piece on backwards
  6. Cut a piece off-grain
  7. Buttonhole too small for button
  8. 3+ muslins and still not right
  9. Unpressed seams
  10. Serged/cut an unintentional hole in the fabric
  11. Broke a needle
  12. Ran out of thread
  13. Uneven topstitching
  14. Battle wounds (iron burns, needle pokes, cuts on hands)
  15. Not enough fabric
  16. Finished the shirt and it’s a wadder
  17. Didn’t finish the shirt
  18. Cut the wrong size
  19. SSSF for tower plackets, short sleeves instead
  20. Pattern match/print placement fail
  21. Forgot to staystitch, stretched out neckline
  22. Interfacing fail
  23. General button fail (ran out of buttons, mismatched buttons, clashing buttons)
  24. Poor fabric choice (outside your skillset, i.e., silk chiffon)
  25. Free space! Drinking Franzia/Eating Cheetos

Share your fails on the social media platform of your choice with the hashtag #failbingoSSSF. If you don’t want to out yourself, email us the pic at gomisewingblog@gmail.com, and we’ll post the picture as sent, no edits, on the SSSF Instagram (@sssfblog).

For those of you interested in constructive toile/muslin critiques, we’ve got you covered via the Flickr group for SSSF Fitting. Regular rules apply, except there will be no individual, introductory blog posts (but telling your critics what you want out of the shirt and areas of help would be greatly appreciated).

~~~~~

* Making Your Own Bingo Card

We did all the hard work so you wouldn’t have to. Copy this entire link (ends at “#results”) to generate your bingo card, then print out your card (a different card will generate every time you visit the link).

http://osric.com/bingo-card-generator/?title=Tailored+Shirt+Fail+Bingo&words=Seam+rip+%3E3x%2CRecut+piece%2CCut+2+rights+or+2+lefts%2CForget+a+piece%2CSew+piece+backwards%2COff-grain+piece%2CButtonhole+too+small%2C%3E3+muslins%2CUnpressed+seams%2CSerged+or+cut+a+hole%2CBroke+needle%2CRan+out+of+thread%2CUneven+topstitching%2CBattle+wounds%2CNot+enough+fabric%2CWadder%2CDidn%27t+finish%2CWrong+size%2CSSSF+for+tower+plackets%2CPattern+or+print+placement+fail%2CForgot+staystitching%2CInterfacing+fail%2CButton+fail%2CPoor+fabric+choice&freespace=true&freespaceValue=Franzia+and+Cheetos&freespaceRandom=false&width=5&height=5&number=1#results

We’d Like To Thank The Academy

(Announcer’s voice) And the winner of Madalynne’s Oscar for (third) Best New Blog is…

Sew Sorry, Sew Fat!

(wild applause from the audience, camera pans to other bloggers pursing their lips and politely clapping)

Oh! Oh dear! I wasn’t really expecting this, and I don’t have a speech prepared… oh my! Um, let me think here…

First off, on behalf of all of us here at SSSF, I’d like to thank the Academy of Blogging Voters. We are so, SO honored just to be included in the nominations, but to win, especially in a runoff election… wow! That means you liked us (third) best not just once, but twice!!!

You Like Us! You Really Like Us!!

You know, we started SSSF with the sole purpose of creating an enlightened, unique experience among sewing blogs, wherein we shine a light on the pastel, cotton-clad underbelly of the we’re-sew-nice blogosphere, and do so with love. So to be honored tonight, in this way, by all of you – well, it’s just overwhelming.

We need to thank the people who made this possible: The monetized sewing blogs, the bloggers who don’t know jack but manage to get themselves book deals and TV gigs, the pattern “designers” who can’t design their way out of a paper bag, the bloggers who manage to get everyone else to write their posts for them, the authors who don’t know shit about fitting or pressing, and the trolls, especially the trolls, who make sure they skewer us with their bowling ball sharp wit.

We never, ever could have achieved this goal without your support… Oh dear, I’m crying and I’m going to run my mascara (fans self with hands)

Yes, we could not do what we do without you. So please know that we are beyond thrilled to be given such accolades, from those whose opinions we value SO highly.

Thank you to the Academy, and good night!

A Light in the Snark: Vogue Spring 2015 Collection

Co-authored with Andrea

Hamcats, it is with sorrowful hearts and lowered heads that we acknowledge the passing of one of the SBC’s most celebrated institutions: Lladybird’s new Vogue release snark posts. Please join us for a moment of silence as we mourn its untimely sellout demise.

Fortunately, SSSF is equipped to take on the future care and feeding of such an important project–and other pattern company releases. But let’s begin by tackling a truly challenging project: the Vogue Spring 2015 pattern release, which Lladybird deems unsnarkable.

Overall, SSSF highly recommends this pattern release to sewers with a pressing need to be perceived as aesexual in public spaces.

Continue reading

Enhancing the GOMIness of Your Blog

Congratulations to all you SBC bloggers who have attracted GOMI Craft’s notice. You are obviously Speshul Snowflakes. You followed our advice on writing a GOMI-Worthy Blog, and it worked! Perhaps you’re mentioned in a thread about someone else, or you may have several posts devoted to you in the Hate Reads thread. The question now is, how can you expand your notoriety? You need a bigger stage. No – you deserve a bigger stage! It’s kind of like making it through the Big Dance in college hoops: you feel like you are ready for the big time, but how can you break through on the national level?

You are so lucky to have us. Here at SSSF, our goal is to help you not only get mentioned multiple times on GOMI, but to achieve the ultimate SBC championship level recognition: your very own thread! Here are some tips for making sure you sit right at the front page of the GOMI Craft forum where you can have your very own GOMI 100-car pileup.

1 – Flounce On/Flounce Off.
Did some big old blue meanie on GOMI say bad things about you? Did they point out that you aren’t as wonderful, indispensible or infallible as your fawning fangirls have been telling you? Well then, it’s time to channel your inner Miss Piggy, pirouette on your vintage platforms, smooth your Coco, toss your hair over your shoulder and walk away from blogging altogether. Don’t forget to announce it publicly on your blog! After all, it’s not a flounce unless you tell the world about it, and that you have been driven off by those cellar-dwelling-chip-eating-ageist-homophobic bitches at GOMI. This will endear you to your fangirls, who will beg you to stay.

After an appropriate length of time (2 days is usually about right) and an appropriate amount of wailing, rending of garments and gnashing of teeth by your fangirls, get back on that (high) horse and tell them that they have been heard, you have relented, and you magnanimously forgive those cellar-dwelling-chip-eating-ageist-homophobic bitches at GOMI. That will earn you a halo in the SBC.

The point is, you don’t really want to flounce into the sunset forever. If you do that, posts about you will get buried in the bowels of GOMI, your name will be forgotten and your fangirls will flock to the next blogger in line. SBC bloggers are like Hollywood starlets. For every one that makes it big, there are a hundred right behind her with daggers pointed at her back.

2 – Post? What Post?
If someone on GOMI points out something stupid that you wrote, you can just delete the post. If you delete it, it never happened, right? Take it down. After all, it’s your blog. Taking it down wipes it off the internet. What? It’s archived? Some cellar-dwelling-chip-eating-ageist-homophobic bitch at GOMI got it from the Wayback Machine? Well in that case…

3 – Revise History
Put that post right back up, but rewrite it so you look better. That will take care of getting rid of that archived version. Oh wait – the original version is still out there for anyone to see? Well then…

4 – Set Out the Bait
Put your post back up, but add comments at the end to show GOMI that you are so much cleverer than they are. Use sarcastic tone, condescending language, lots of extra vowels and asterisks. Here’s a good example: ****Big big update for those of you visiting from another site. You were soooooooo right! Now it’s so crystal clear to me that you’re not cyberbullies, and you’re not ageists, and you’re not homophobes. So the only question that remains is…what exactly are you? ****

Oh, that last question is the perfect riposte to GOMI bitches. It will have GOMI readers flocking to your blog to read your other witty repartee. If course, that repartee will only be with your fangirls, who will tell you how clever you are. So you win!

And don’t worry about copying and pasting the example above verbatim into your blog! As we all know, there’s no such thing as copyright or plagiarism in the SBC.

5 – My Big Brother is Going to Beat You Up
When in doubt, bring in the big guns. Threaten to have your sister who is a real-estate law paralegal write a firmly worded cease-and-desist. Yes, that will show GOMI, and it will ensure that you land once again at the top of the first page in GOMI Craft.

6 – Bring on the Cray Cray
If you really want to ensure that you land atop the GOMI pile, go batshit crazy. It’s even better if you go creepy-batshit-crazy. You know – say things like, all is forgiven, that you really like GOMI, and that you will haunt GOMI like a spinster’s ghost in a gothic novel. This will ensure that you get lots of responses from GOMI bitches, and lots of emojis. Make it a contest to see how many dancing bananas you can get!

Any of these things, especially any combination of these things, will earn you a spot in the GOMI Craft hall of fame. It’s easy; it’s fun and it will give you a big leg up on all those other SBC wanna-bes. So get out there and make yourself one of the GOMI champs!

Weekend Update: Call for Pattern Testers!

It’s been a lot of radio silence here at SSSF headquarters over the past few months (blogging is omg such hard work, guys, and we have all these obligations to people in real life and things to do, holidays to observe…oh wait, that’s called Life).

But fear not! What’s been keeping us busy is of course the next logical step in the evolution of our blog: releasing a sewing pattern!

PDF print-at-home pattern, natch.

PDF print-at-home pattern, natch.

And, naturally, we need testers for our omg-best-thing-since-sliced-bread pattern! Tester qualifications include:

  • a 2-day turnaround
  • buttloads of time and materials supplied by you, the tester
  • killing a tree (or 3) to print and assemble the PDF pattern

Pattern testers will be compensated with an imperfect but free pattern and blog fame (because of course you’re going to want to be part of the pattern testing blog tour! and the real pattern blog tour!).

Let us know in the comments if you’re interested!*

~~~~~~~~~~

*Sarcasm.